“Into the woods, without delay, but careful not to lose the way.
Into the woods, who knows what may be lurking on the journey?
Into the woods, to get the thing that makes it worth the journeying…”
– Steven Sondheim, Into The Woods
So many have said that 2016 was an unusually depressive year, packed full of large-scale misery, tragedy and scandal. It seemed as though most were celebrating the dawn of 2017 not so much for the arrival of a new year, but for the passing of the old one. I found myself agreeing with much of the commentary that swung that direction, seeing those themes in much of the social, cultural, political scene in the US. But, I also felt that same heaviness in my personal life as I set off on the hardest, scariest journey of my life.
Last year was as much a season of loss and letting go as it was looking forward to new things. China had become our home, our colleagues and community there had become our family. I handed over the baton of leadership of the organization I loved and poured my whole self into to a trusted and very capable friend. We packed up our lives and transplanted ourselves to a part of the US we had never lived before and only traveled to once. We didn't have a job, community or network in the new place.
Transitions. All around us. We changed our country, community, calling, and career. At the same time.
Even though I felt so grounded and sure of myself in the decision to move, that didn’t mean the landscape that decision would drag us through wouldn’t be treacherous. And when the things you knowingly, yet unknowingly rely on for safety and security are suddenly gone, the very core of your being is shaken. It feels trite to say that my character was put to the test. Well, yea! Of course it was.
“Though it's fearful, though it's deep, though it's dark
And though you may lose your path
Though you may encounter wolves
You mustn't stop, you mustn't swerve
You mustn't ponder, you have to act
When you know your wish
If you want your wish
You can have your wish
But you can't just wish
No, to get your wish
You go into the woods where nothing's clear
Where witches, ghosts and wolves appear
Into the woods and through the fear
You have to take the journey…”
The relationships we have around us are the most important thing in the world. They are the final pillar of stability we have when everything else is gone. When they are supportive, trustworthy and reliable, they keep you grounded as the world around you spins madly on. They keep you brave when every impulse in your mind and body says, “retreat!”
And then there’s the woods. The fearful, deep, and dark woods.
I led my family into the woods, anticipating some of the challenges and effects that would have, but not all of them. It was and continues to be hard. And for all the emotional and relational support that is required in a marriage in a normal, stable season, a season of The Woods requires even more. During that season, both of us were taking huge risks that were scary. Both of us needed incredible, additional support from the other because to do what we wanted to do meant that we were also intentionally facing our deepest, darkest fears. But for a season, we both had our eyes on the fears of the woods instead of on each other. When that happens, you can’t get on the same page and instead of unity you’ll have discord, instead of peace you’ll find hostility. You both just feel alone.
Something changed in me at the turn of the new year. I vividly saw the ugly patterns in our relationship that we had allowed to creep in and I hated them. I knew we had all the potential necessary as a couple to fight this battle, to walk through these woods victoriously. I knew all it would take was a humble recognition of where we went wrong and a full embrace of what was actually true about us and our situation in order to see breakthrough.
All things new is a proclamation of joy in overcoming the repetitive relational responses to each other that just leave both people feeling broken and isolated. It’s about reversing, first, the corrupted mindsets that we buy into and with that, the destructive habits that creep into a marriage or any relationship. That reversal really can happen. I believe it all comes down to the choices we make of what to believe. Can I choose to respond gently and be empathetic instead of angry when she communicates that she feels a real lack of security because I am unemployed but yet still spend so much time writing and recording songs? Yes, because truth tells me I am a sensitive and caring husband. Can she choose to be understanding and supportive when I explain how writing songs is a pivotal way I nurture my own soul so that I’m resourced enough to be able to meet her needs? Yes, because truth tells her that she is gracious and compassionate.
The new year had arrived and I felt very deeply that it was time to break off old habits in order to make space for new life to grow. This song perfectly caps off the year long project and in many ways is also a perfect segue into my next year-long project which will draw inspiration from the four cardinal virtues. I don't know exactly how many songs I'll record and release, but at least four this year, coming out about every three months. But, this song was definitely a pivot point for me. It is the bridge between the old and the new.
I’m excited to share this song with you! I’m excited for what it represents to me: finishing what I started, fighting against the internal resistance to keep making music and winning, embracing who I am as a creative and not being afraid to share that with the world because even though it isn’t perfect on a technical level, it is art. It comes from a deep and vulnerable place in me and it's a beautiful thing to share our authentic, true selves with people.
So, thank you for taking this 2016 journey with me! You have held up your end of the deal—you’ve pushed me to new places creatively and personally. I am eternally grateful to you, my friends!
Grace,
-Josh
#neverstopcreating