Inner soul prosperity ALWAYS precedes outer breakthrough. -Steve Backlund
Last month’s song documented a prayer journey for me as I was feeling a bit lost and frustrated that pieces weren’t coming together or connecting as soon as I’d hoped. I still struggle, every month, with the vulnerable feeling to sharing songs publically that I’m not fully content with—they don’t sound GREAT to me. I love the songs… just not the quality of the recording. And being an audiophile and monstrous music consumer, I … know what GREAT should sound like. When I’m not able to record/mix a song to that quality, I battle insecurity and the comparison trap. I also haven’t come across any realistic (or affordable) tangible leads that I could pursue to help me grow professionally in this area like I want to, urgently want to. So there I am… in the wilderness. And the lies pour in like waves, the battle in my head is constant, intense, violent. On top of that I battle the feeling of despair or frustration that I’m STILL battling these thoughts. I mean, look at my song journey so far! So many songs keep coming back to the same issues! Every month, it's the same battles, slightly nuanced. I was beginning to feel weary in the battle I suppose and maybe that’s what last month’s song was—a weary saint crying out to his maker. But, I’m so glad I wrote that song and recorded that experience—because it definitely stands in contrast to this month’s song. Metaphorically, the journey the last two months were like walking through a wasteland alone in my own defeat but this month, the trail began winding through pastures, green fields, with new growth all around me. I know that “voice that shakes the wilderness” never left me, but lately He helped me understand that experiences of breakthrough are always there for me to take hold of—they never go away or are lifted from me out of reach. Breakthrough is part of my identity, my inheritance, my destiny as a child of God.
The despair I felt before taught me a lot. I learned that any area of my heart without hope is an area still under a lie. That’s an incredible revelation because that gave me clarity about where, specifically, to apply the Truth. And it is Truth that sets me free. I could not have predicted that this month’s song would come out the way it did. I wrote it on a Sunday afternoon post church, post lunch, post kids put down for naps, in about 90 minutes while reflecting on a what our guest speaker, Steve Backlund from Igniting Hope Ministries, spoke about in church that morning.
“Whatever we’re transformed by we are transformed to. If I renew my mind with negative thoughts then I’ll grow into that!” (here are the lies Istruggle with a lot: my music isn’t good enough, I’m not making any progress, there’s no point to this—hardly anyone is listening anymore, I’m so far behind in the game compared to other successful artists out there! I’ll never be good enough to gain what I need monetarily to free up more time to do the thing I love the most.) “You will transform your future into what you believe about yourself and your future.” Our choices, actions, behaviors FLOW out of our beliefs. My lack of hope revealed bad beliefs! So, it was time for breakthrough!! Here’s the truth I renewed my mind with, which produced this song: my songs are spiritual weapons against the enemy of my soul. Whenever I write songs, God shows up! I am creative because my Creator made me that way for a purpose. Because God accepts me, I celebrate progress not perfection! When I fixed my mind on these truths… a song came out. That’s who I am. An unshackled songwriter, sanctified to sing.
I will not be a victim of my circumstances. Not in China, not in the USA. The only limitations, really, are the false ones I create for myself! So, because they’re not real limitations, I know there is always a solution, I can thrive no matter what, and I am being prepared for something greater.