I seldom remember my dreams. But when I do, it usually has a significant impact on my life somehow. More than a year ago, I had a dream that I suddenly died and was separated from my children. I was trying hard to reach them, contact them, to let them know that I was okay and to have one last chance to communicate my heart for them as their father. But, I couldn’t get through to them. When I woke, I felt really disturbed. From that experience came a song.
“Closer to me,” is written from an imaginary place after death. Between the lines of the song, there’s a basic message from me that says, “I miss you! I wish I could be right there beside you in every situation you face.” Over the span of my life, I’ve lost a lot of loved ones. Some died suddenly, tragically. Others were more expected because of age or a terminal illness. One thing I’ve learned about how best to cope with these experiences is to get some alone time, quiet time, in nature to just listen and reflect. I first tune in to my thoughts, memories, emotions, and physical feelings in my body that I’m experiencing related to the loss of the person I love. I then tune into my surroundings and try to imagine that there are messages for me from the person I lost carried in the sound of the wind, rushing water, or the waves. It's a soothing, meditative practice that helps me feel more connected somehow to that person I lost.
When I die, I want my children to imagine that I left messages of love and comfort for them as well—in the sounds of the wind and the waves. I want them to get alone someplace and just listen. And even though it isn’t real, it’s only pretend—I want them to hear my voice again and know that I’m grieving, too. I guess now they can. In the form of a song.